Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate June Horoscopes

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satirequeen
Jun 3, 2020 3:00 PM EDT

The stars are a bit like your therapist, your best friend, and your mom; sometimes they have good advice. Other times, they really, really don't. Either way, reading your horoscope is cheaper than therapy, so here are your 100% factually (maybe) accurate predictions for June.

And in case you missed it, check out your April Horoscopes to see if anything has changed for you since then! Or, if your life is pretty much the same. Old. Cr*p.

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  • 01

    Capricorn

    Text - Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. Your dreams of finding love have turned into single quarantine nightmare. Snacks are the only things giving you love right now. Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 02

    Aquarius

    Text - Aquarios (Jan 20 - Feb 18) At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. Those hopes you had for getting a promotion? Don't even bother. Like... what even is work anymore?! Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 03

    Pisces

    Text - Pisces (Feb 19 March 20) At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. You know that amazing vacation you had planned? The one where you were going to meet your soulmate? Yeah... Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 04

    Aries

    Text - Aries (March 21 - April 19) At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. It's time to sort out the mess that is your heart. Aka, it's time to get over him, sis! Love aint happening for you right now. Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 05

    Taurus

    Text - Taurus (April 20 - May 20) At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. It cannot be emphasized enough: THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO EXPERIMENT WITH YOUR HAIR. Just. Don't. Do. It. Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 06

    Gemini

    Text - Gemini (May 21 - June 20). At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. Your attempt to organize your house has just created more chaos. You need to focus on clearing your mind. Put the label maker AWAY! Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 07

    Cancer

    Text - Cancer (June 21- July 22) At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. Stop playing detective and trying to figure out what your friends have in store for your birthday. The answer is nothing. #Quarantinelife Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 08

    Leo

    Text - Leo (Juty 23 August 22) 10 At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. And so are you my friend. All that "new year, new me" cr*p you were shouting in January hasn't really worked has it? Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 09

    Virgo

    Text - Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22). At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. Take a trip down memory lane. When was the last time you weren't a drama queen? Yeah, we thought so. Time to reign in the dramatics. Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 10

    Libra

    Text - Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22), At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. Stop trying to please everyone else. Especially your mother. You will never win. Ever! Your attempts to fix her this year will not work. Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 11

    Scorpio

    Sky - Scörpio (0ct 23 -Nov 21) At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. See Virgos above. Same thing. Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake
  • 12

    Sagittarius

    Text - Saggítarius (Nov 22 Dec 21) At this point, it's clear that 2020 is broken. You were born at the end of the year. Ifthings aren't fixed in time for your birthday, well then we are all well and truly f*cked! Come back and try again in 2021.
    via cheezcake

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zodiac satire prediction stars horoscope horoscopes satirical zodiac signs
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